Recovery should be a time of relief!

Why was I encouraged to become a survivor if the pain was going to continue?

Have you ever wanted to say these things to someone? 

  • No, I am not looking for excuses for why I can’t go out. 
  • No, I am not making excuses regarding why I have never been able to keep a steady job.

Have you ever wanted to ask these questions?

  • Where would you be if the police turned you away when you asked them to care that your abuser was threatening to kill you? 
  • Why do you shame me for staying, when you wouldn’t help me prove that I needed help?  You also told me that if the police didn’t believe me, that I must have been making it up.
  • Am I wrong for fighting to keep from being murdered by someone I loved?
  • Honorable judge, why do you award custody to abusers?  Why do you make me fight for my survival?
  • I survived and saved my baby while looking down the barrel of a loaded gun.  Then, my abuser lied to the judge allowing him to obtain custody of my now 2-year-old son.  Honorable judge, why did you allow my abuser to murder my son?
  • Why does the court seem to want my child and I abused? 

How do I cope if no one understands how to help me?

My nights were spent with nightmares of my baby being tortured.  I could only pray that I didn’t hear from the hospital or morgue telling me that my baby was maimed for life, or worse, dead.  I lived these experiences and watched my children taken away from me, which is why I am now your Legal Advocate. I want to help you with any legal issues that you may be facing because of the abuse you have and possibly are living through.

How does someone leave a dangerous situation with nowhere to go, no money, and two young children to take care of?  Would they be safer starving on a street corner, than waiting for the police to help when they are told that an officer needs to see the abusive behavior before they can make an arrest? Please know that I am here to help as your Legal Advocate and Life Coach.

Many survivors learn during recovery that the answers to these “Why” questions should be hidden to be accepted.

  • Why do you want to hurt me?
  • Why do enjoy seeing me bleed?
  • You say you love me.  So, why do you hurt me?
  • Why do you lie?
  • Why do you want me to commit suicide?
  • Why do you spread lies about me?
  • Why do you want me to live in isolation?

I walked away, I declared “No Contact,” and have not turned back.  So, why did I feel so alone?  I felt free but alone.  I expected my recovery to wonderful.  No one warned me of the loneliness or the shaming.  I felt lost.  No one talked to me about the shock I felt as a reaction to the breakup; they only asked me why I didn’t leave sooner.  How was I expected to break a bond that seemed to be responsible for my survival?  I was dependent.  I was forced to go without a job, money, and school.  I had nothing of my own.  I also had no one that believed I was being abused.  All saw my abuser as doing everything for me.  They never saw the bruises I was given for asking to be able to get a job or a full plate of food.  I begged and graveled for all that it took to keep my children and me alive. 

Why is recovery almost worse than living with the abuse?

If any of the statements in this blog caused triggers(I do apologize), but that means that you are a victim of what I call “Societal Survivor Syndrome.” Or, you may be suffering from “System Abuse Syndrome.” “Societal Survivor Syndrome” is caused when those that we turn to within our communities and families shame survivors for their pasts.  “System Abuse Syndrome is caused by law enforcement, the courts, and practitioners abusing a survivor for not progressing through recovery in a so-called acceptable manner.  Both cause the same symptoms as PTSD or C-PTSD. 

As a survivor, and Life Coach and LegaL Advocate, I have acquired the skills to assist you with the abuses that go with recovery, and the legal issues that often accompany leaving an abuser. If you feel as if you’re being abused by those that you turn to for help or support.  Or, you are still going through the tortures of whatever your abuser is able to continue doing to you.  Or, the legal system is abusing you.  Or, worse, you need protection, and no one will help you.  I can also help you if you don’t understand what your attorney is doing.  I am here to help you communicate your needs if you’re not sure how to talk to someone in a court setting.  You are never alone, as your Legal Advocate, I help you every step of the way.  As a Life Coach, I help you move forward with your life without the scars holding you down.

Join us in our FB groups, “Abuse me. Why?”, and “Legal Advocate for You, Not Family Court”

In our groups, and our LIVE Support Group Sessions, we talk about Parental Alienation, CPS/DCF cases, recovery, Narcissism, and whatever might be on your mind. If you miss a session, all LIVE Support Group Sessions are recorded and stored in announcements of the groups. We are looking forward to meeting you, hope that you will enjoy getting to know me, and the other survivors in the groups.


Dr. Speer, CLC, CDRC, Legal Advocate, & Survivor

Sandra Speer, Ph.D. is a world-renowned Author, Keynote Speaker, and Certified Life Coach and Disaster Recovery Coach who offers Seminars, Group, and Personal Coaching designed to show all how to move beyond their past to live happy and successful lives.  Dr. Speer knows from personal experience as a survivor of a lifetime of abuse, that recovery brings happiness and chances for unlimited success.  As a Legal Advocate, Dr. Speer strives to ensure that abusers are punished.  Nothing makes her happier than watching prosecuting attorneys go to jail, children return to their right parent, and individuals find justice with her assistance.  If you need to charge, fight the system, or in need of making a complaint against a doctor, mental health practitioner, corporation, or institution; Dr. Speer has the experience needed to win your case.  Her publications include “Terrorism Inside America’s Borders,” “The Remains of Hurricane Katrina” with various articles written as a contributing journalist for educational books and publications, FEMA, and the American Red Cross to help all understand Trauma.

I am looking forward to meeting you!
Dr. Sandra Speer, Ph.D., CLC, CDRC, Legal Advocate