Yesterday, or should I admit that during the last week or so, I fell back into the trap formed by the words of my abusers. I kept hearing, “No matter what you do, failure is the only thing you’re good for.”
Without dissociation continuing to protect me, I am now able to experience feelings. So much so, that even the saddest events are welcomed. This weeks’ trigger was caused when a friend spoke of the possible death of his son. The couple is in their late 80’s, and their son suddenly became ill a few months ago. Until, now, they have had hope of him getting well. I felt their pain so deeply that I had to cry for them.
My narcissistic mother would have cursed me for crying.
I also felt guilty for allowing their pain to cause me to think of myself. I couldn’t help it. I thought of never having been loved by a parent. How do you move past your mother wanting you dead? How do you lose the voices of doom your psychologist father drilled into his only daughter? I cried when I remembered my mother leaving me to rot on my almost death bed.
When my narcissistic mother dies, without guilt I am going to celebrate.
As survivors, we all need to keep in mind that everything in life is temporary, which includes life itself. No matter how hard recovery becomes, don’t give up because with tomorrow comes hope for better times.
How often does it rain forever?
Sandra Speer, Ph.D., CLC, CDRC, Legal Advocate, & Survivor
PS, My mother died, 11/23/20, and yes, I celebrated. But, I learned prior to her death, that your abuser does not need to die for you to find the freedom to be happy. Please let me help you as a Life Coach, I have learned through personal experience, that you can recover prior to their death.
Please feel free to email me at any time if you would like to talk about what you are going through.
Sandra Speer, Ph.D. is a world-renowned Author, Keynote Speaker, and Certified Life Coach and Disaster Recovery Coach who offers Seminars, Group, and Personal Coaching designed to show all how to move beyond their past to live happy and successful lives. Dr. Speer knows from personal experience as a survivor of a lifetime of abuse, that recovery brings happiness and chances for unlimited success. As a Legal Advocate, Dr. Speer strives to ensure that abusers are punished. Nothing makes her happier than watching prosecuting attorneys go to jail, children return to their right parent, and individuals find justice with her assistance. If you need to charge, fight the system, or in need of making a complaint against a doctor, mental health practitioner, corporation, or institution; Dr. Speer has the experience needed to win your case. Her publications include “Terrorism Inside America’s Borders,” “The Remains of Hurricane Katrina” with various articles written as a contributing journalist for educational books and publications, FEMA, and the American Red Cross to help all understand Trauma.