From the heart of this Alienated Parent!
When I woke up this morning, I cried as I looked out of my window because I saw the remains of another storm. I also cried because the storm had not washed away my pain. Then I turned away from the dying rain and winds, to see that my loneliness extended far beyond that of a natural catastrophe. My heart was torn to pieces as I asked where my children were.
I want to love my babies. I want to hold my children. Not watch them grow in my imagination while fearfully thinking about the last time they were beaten. Or, quiver at the thought of when their father or his new girlfriend molested my seven-year-old daughter or five-year-old son.
Why does my baby girl talk to me about sex? She talks as if she is an adult when she carries the chronological age of seven. Where is her childhood going? I feel helpless. I ask her caseworker why she asks these questions, but, I get no response.
No matter how long it takes, I will save my babies. Or, will I be allowed to before they are turned against me? Why are they beginning to say that they don’t want to talk to me while I cry each day for their pain?
If I cannot help my children, I want to die. Then I remind myself that I must continue to live because my children need me. I cannot give up on them. I know that their words against me are not their own. My heart cries for their pain of being alienated.
Never have I had the support of another. Today, I reach for a shoulder or someone within the system who understands. Three years have gone by, with no help found. During those years, I have been allowed only short supervised visits. A year ago, those visits were taken away. The judge claimed that I was abusively alienating my children. Yet, children’s next-door neighbor calls me often with reports of sounds of ugliness coming from their home. My words of desperation fall on empty ears.
How can I be abusing my children when I am not allowed to see them? Why am I being accused of parental alienation? All that I am doing is trying to save them from living an abusive life. I cry every day for my babies because I know that they are being forced to hate me while suffering emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.
I try to report to the right people in the system. I have called to have well checks from their local Children Protective Services. Yet, I became mislabeled as the abusive parent ruled by the court to be forbidden to communicate or see my beautiful babies.
What am I doing wrong?
Betty (Alienated Parent)
PS. I used this letter because a year ago Betty committed suicide. Her final words stung, which were, “If I am not allowed to protect my children, I do not want to live.” She shot herself in the head in the house where she last lived with her children.
As I dried the tears from my eyes, my last communications with Betty forced me to realize that it was time for me to share what I could offer as a Legal Advocate with Alienated Parents, no matter where they live in the world!
My goal is to help as many Alienation Parents as possible see their children live in safety.
So, what did this Alienated Parent do wrong? And, what can you do to win your case?
First, you have to understand that the professionals are ruling that you are the alienating parent based on the textbook definition of parental alienation. Sadly, attorneys, judges, caseworkers, social workers, and even a few therapists only see parental alienation as the manipulation, whether consciously or unconsciously, of a child against the other parent.
It is also very important to remember who is performing the abuse, and who becomes the alienated parent is not a gender issue. The problem lies with how the innocent parent communicates with the legal system.
If you are attempting to tell professionals that your children are being abused, and you become labeled as an alienated parent, you are often left wondering how that is possible.
- Did you state that the other parent is abusing your child?
- Did you indicate that you have talked to your child about the abuse?
- Or, did you state that your child has talked to you about different things the other parent does or says to them?
If your answer is yes, to any of those questions, the professionals see their ruling as correct because you are acting the textbook definition of an alienated parent. This link will help you understand more about how the system defines who is the parent performing the alienation Psychology Today. You are being seen as manipulating your child against the other parent, which is often noted as being child abuse.
It is also important to educate yourself on how to recognize the basic symptoms of Parental Alienation in your children, which are:
- Your child may show signs of feeling helpless
- Your child may begin to view life as empty or meaningless
- Your child may begin to feel as if he or she is being left out of conversations or events
- Your child may find it difficult to approach or speak to others, especially his or her parents
- Your child may begin to feel that it is unsafe to interact with others
- Your child may begin to refuse to obey rules
- Your child may begin to have a poor appetite or begin to overeat
- Your child may begin to sleep excessively or have insomnia
- Your child may begin to show signs of severe fatigue
- Your child may begin to have low self-worth
- Your child may begin to have feelings of helplessness
- Your child may begin to show signs of nervousness
- Your child may begin to be unable to concentrate
How can I save my children from the abuse, if I cannot talk about it?
If you want to save your children from the abuse of another, talk to professionals regarding facts. Ask them why your child is exhibiting different symptoms without saying what you think? Place the professional in the position of being in need of discovering what is wrong? Do not accuse anyone of wrongdoings? Only state facts. This type of approach places whoever does not help, in the eyes of the law. Understanding how to make sure children live without abuse has taken me years of practice, acquiring a Ph.D. in Public Safety, and winning my children back from an abuser.
My goal as your Legal Advocate is to help you make sure that your children live in a safe environment. No matter what it takes, my goal is to help you win your case and reach your goals. I am here to help you understand your case, what your attorney is or is not doing, and become your voice when no help can be found. Furthermore, as a Legal Advocate, not an attorney, medical doctor, or therapist, I am free to pursue avenues to save your children from the abuse that others only fear.
Please feel free to contact me at any time. I am here to help you as your Legal Advocate or Life Coach when no one else cares or understands what you are going through.
Dr. Sandra Speer, Ph.D., CLC, CDRC, Legal Advocate, & Survivor
Sandra Speer, Ph.D. is a world-renowned Author, Keynote Speaker, and Certified Life Coach and Disaster Recovery Coach who offers Seminars, Group, and Personal Coaching designed to show all how to move beyond their past to live happy and successful lives. Dr. Speer knows from personal experience as a survivor of a lifetime of abuse, that recovery brings happiness and chances for unlimited success. As a Legal Advocate, Dr. Speer strives to ensure that abusers are punished. Nothing makes her happier than watching prosecuting attorneys go to jail, children return to their right parent, and individuals find justice with her assistance. If you need to charge, fight the system, or in need of making a complaint against a doctor, mental health practitioner, corporation, or institution; Dr. Speer has the experience needed to win your case. Her publications include “Terrorism Inside America’s Borders,” “The Remains of Hurricane Katrina” with various articles written as a contributing journalist for educational books and publications, FEMA, and the American Red Cross to help all understand Trauma.