Is my Birthday, December 17th, a curse, or just another day blended into the supposed joyous days of the holidays?
Everywhere I go, the jingles of the season can be heard with smiling faces looking forward to time spent exchanging gifts with family and friends. I look upon those faces and wonder if the pages of their books read with the same joy that appears under their smiles. I also try to look into the hearts of the youngest of these holiday revelers because I wonder if they know what is being forcibly written into their books.
With my yearly announcement of time passing, with this year being my 62nd Birthday, I am asking why it feels as if I missed living a normal life?
Once, I was a naive child; then, I became a daring teenager who grew into an adult who seemed never to find her way.
A few short years ago, I remember not knowing how to smile. Yet, I learned to appear happy through techniques that never allowed me to relax. I never stopped running without knowing what or where I was running to or from.
A few short years ago, I remember not wanting to wake up. I saw no hope. I blamed myself for ruining my life. Until the time came that I woke up from the dissociative trance when I learned that my mind was running from an ugly truth. Hard as these events are to watch, I welcome them as they unlock a little more happiness every time a new one appears.
Recently, I have noticed I keep searching my past for one good memory. A few very short years ago, I saw nothing as good. I ran from all that was good while hearing that I had a fear of success. I lived the brainwashed knowledge that I was not good enough to have the best of anything. After all, I was the daughter of a family psychologist father and psychotic, narcissistic mother. My father was a master of mind manipulation.
Possibly the hardest lesson I had to learn was to forgive myself for a lifetime of half-living. I realized that I held my freedom in my heart. To have that freedom, I had to free myself from the burden of the blame by facing the fact that I did not ask to be abused. When I allowed myself the freedom of self-forgiveness, I freed my soul to surge. Today, I am happy and successfully helping others as a Legal Advocate and Life Coact. I remember when that was only a dream. Today, I am watching cases won, children going home, and survivors learning to be happy.
Learn to love yourself by reminding yourself that you are not to blame for what happened because of the abuse. Forgive yourself, and the chains of your past will begin to fall off. Be proud of who you are. Never give up on recovery.
Survivors, I love you and want to help you if you have a high conflict divorce or a CPS case. I am an Advocate unlike any other that you will ever find. I have trained for almost 40 years to know how to see you through every aspect of your case. I help you reach your winning goals. The key to my success is that I am not an attorney forced to answer to the court system. I fight for you, not the system. How and why? Simple, because I have been where you are. I, too, am a survivor.
This was also my little wish of a Happy Birthday to myself. I love my birthdays because I was never allowed to have a nice one until I was 58. So, taking a few minutes to look at my achievements means a lot. I was also never allowed to feel good about myself. That is an achievement in itself to be proud of me. So, today, December 17, 2021, I have to say that I am delighted that my many thoughts of suicide never materialized. Today on this Birthday, December 17, 2021, I can only say that I have never been happier.
Survivors, look yourselves in the mirror and say, “I love you! I am proud of you!” Why? Because you deserve to love yourself.
Remember, I am here for you as Legal Advocate and Life Coach.
Sincerely,
Dr. Sandra Speer, Ph.D., CLC, CDRC, Legal Advocate, & Survivor
Sandra Speer, Ph.D. is a world-renowned Author, Keynote Speaker, and Certified Life Coach and Disaster Recovery Coach who offers Seminars, Group, and Personal Coaching designed to show all how to move beyond their past to live happy and successful lives. Dr. Speer knows from personal experience as a survivor of a lifetime of abuse, that recovery brings happiness and chances for unlimited success. As a Legal Advocate, Dr. Speer strives to ensure that abusers are punished. Nothing makes her happier than watching prosecuting attorneys go to jail, children return to their right parent, and individuals find justice with her assistance. If you need to charge, fight the system, or in need of making a complaint against a doctor, mental health practitioner, corporation, or institution; Dr. Speer has the experience needed to win your case. Her publications include “Terrorism Inside America’s Borders,” “The Remains of Hurricane Katrina” with various articles written as a contributing journalist for educational books and publications, FEMA, and the American Red Cross to help all understand Trauma.
I am looking
forward to meeting you!
Dr. Sandra Speer, Ph.D., CLC, CDRC, Legal Advocate